


Amrita

by c0ohearteu



Category: WinTeam - Fandom
Genre: M/M, WinTeam Week (Until We Meet Again), WinTeam Week 2020
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26858125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c0ohearteu/pseuds/c0ohearteu
Summary: Team is a young man trying to figure out what he wants when his daily routine is disrupted by the presence of a man who wants nothing more than to force out the one thing he has been trying to hide all his life.
Relationships: Team Teerayu Siriyothin/Win Phawin Wanichakarnjonkul
Comments: 13
Kudos: 39
Collections: WinTeam Week 2020





	1. Like Mine

It’s a struggle to not think about how pathetic this is. At first, I thought this life would finally give me the sense of freedom I’d been longing for. Turns out it’s just a whole lot of restlessness in every sense of the word. 

The night always makes my skin tingle with anticipation. I get excited to grab my chance to be with the outside world. For a few minutes, I get to pretend that I’m still normal. I’ve grown to find comfort in the mundane: the sounds of traffic all around me, the smell of dinner being cooked and served in the restaurants and homes I walk by. But most of all, I enjoyed being around people. It never mattered that some bump into me as they rushed home from work, or yell at me for walking too slow. Just being there with them, to be connected to something, was more than enough to comfort me. For a short while, I forget just how goddamn lonely I am. 

The only thing that distracted me from the wonder of it all was the regular intruder that somehow found me. I do my best to shoo away the neighborhood stray that hissed at me like it knew my secret. 

“Come on, dude,” I plead under my breath. “I know. Just let me get to work, okay?” 

I carefully walk past the tiny guy, relieved that he let me through without me having to make a scene. Lucky for me, it was just one tonight. Often, I had to contend with two, or three, or twenty - and that was the most unfortunate. I could never make it past that many without hurting one of them, even if all I’m doing is defending myself. It always makes me feel horrible when that happens. Cats may have stopped liking me, but I still like them. 

There was nothing out of the ordinary about my walk to the office that night. Well, I use the term “office” loosely. It was more like a workstation, a place to park myself for a few hours a day, other than my bed. It was a dead-end job, sure. But it’s not like I’m particularly motivated to do anything with my long, drawn-out life. The life I lead now is small, and quiet, and content. My job reflects that, and I’m fine with it. 

“Hey, you’re early,” Pharm says, as I walk through the doors, not even getting up from his seat - the same seat I would be occupying for the night. 

“Yeah, I got bored. Where’s P’Dean?”

“Rounds. He should be back any minute,” he says. “I heard P’Pruk is sick. Will you be alright by yourself?” 

“I guess.”

P’Pruk being sick tonight was news to me. Our agency not sending anyone to replace him was so typical. For some reason, having just one person guarding a five-storey office building for an entire night didn’t seem to bother them. Don’t worry, I’m not deluded enough to think that they have that much faith in me. I know they’re just too cheap to hire someone else, and I’m the one who’s going to have to pick up the slack.

“Okay,” Pharm says, a bit of worry registering on his face. That guy really wears his heart on his sleeve. I have no idea how he came into this line of work. “Well, get ready then… We’ll start logging out when P’Dean gets back.”

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to say anything more. I learned the hard way to keep any sort of relationship to a minimum, just as a precaution. There are just too many uncontrolled variables when someone else gets involved in my life. I don’t need the hassle, even if it's someone as sweet as Pharm. 

“Oh! Team! You don’t have to order in tonight, just eat P’Pruk’s share for dinner as your second meal. I made your favorite chicken breast sandwiches tonight.”

I told you he was sweet. 

I threw Pharm a polite smile as I walked into our common room, which was really just an abnormally large supply closet that they repurposed for us. It was a shithole, but I didn’t mind. I intend on doing everything I can to keep this job, including keeping my mouth shut about the plywood that was practically falling off the walls. The pay isn’t fantastic, but it’s not like I’m doing this for the money. Aside from the occasional rounds and checking of the CCTV cameras, I can pretty much do whatever I want. Plus, having to rest during the daytime gives me the perfect excuse to not engage with the world. It’s perfect, at least for me. The only thing I hate about my job, really, is this room.

My rusty locker creaks as I open it, revealing my utter lack of enthusiasm for life: A couple of folded shirts, a few bottles of water, and both clean and worn versions of my work uniform. The light gray polyester button-down shirt we had to wear was as stiff as a board, no matter how much fabric softener I used. I learned to put up with the way the rough fabric scratched my skin. The light scratches were pretty much the extent of my occupational hazards. That, and the endless lovey-dovey phone calls between P’Pruk and his girlfriend Manaow. At least I had a break from that tonight.

I take the uniform and drape it over my shoulders, and that’s when I catch a glimpse of myself in my small mirror. 

“Fuck,” I hiss when I realize that one of my contact lenses have popped off. 

I instinctively cover the offending eye and check to see if anyone else is with me in the room. It must have just fallen off, otherwise, Pharm would have definitely noticed. Searching for it on the floor of this musty break room would just be a colossal waste of time. I pull out a fresh box of dark brown contact lenses, just like the ones I always have with me wherever I go. I hate having to stick a finger in my eye but there was no other way.

The glare from the mirror was blinding. After all these years, I’m still not used to having them. The only way I could describe it was luminescent. If you stared into my eyes long enough, it would start to resemble the night sky, like it was somehow peppered with the brightest stars. Every move I made would catch the light differently, and give off a different shine. It was impossible to hide them no matter what time of day it was, but these dark contact lenses seemed to do the trick.

The door to the room opened suddenly, and I almost scratched my eye with my fingernail in surprise. 

“Hey, Nong Team,” P’Dean says, sticking his head in the room. “You can come out anytime you’re done. Sorry to rush you, I just need to get home to my brother and sister as soon as I can.”

“Uh, sure, I’ll be right out,” I say, my eyes blinking faster than normal to welcome the covering I just re-introduced to it.

I put myself together as quickly as I can, not wanting them to wait any longer than they already have. Flashlight, nametag, keys… Everything had to be double-checked before I started my shift. I would hate to have to come back here for something and leave everything unmanned, especially since I would have to work alone tonight.

“I’m here,” I say, not at all eager to take over Pharm’s spot by the CCTV monitors. “Anything noteworthy tonight?”

“Not unless finding a new spiderweb interests you. It’s always just the same old boring shit,” Dean says, as he got up from the chair and collected his things. “You don’t need Pruk. You got this.”

I smile politely at P’Dean’s sweet attempt to put me at ease. They both wish me a safe shift as they walk back to the common room. It wasn’t long before they were back out in the lobby with me, saying their goodbyes. 

“Oh, there is one thing,” Pharm says, quickly turning to face me. “I think there’s something wrong with the way the monitors are hooked up or something. The video gets a bit streaky sometimes, I have no idea why.” 

“I’ll check. Thanks,” I say, cleaning off the desk so that I could put my feet up once I was alone. The rest of the night would probably just be me and my mobile games, but I didn’t really mind. 

“Good night, Team,” Pharm says. “See you in the morning!”

Just like that, I was alone. 

The first few hours were just like any other shift: catching up on local reports to see if there were any crimes to look out for in the neighborhood, rounds on all floors every couple of hours, glancing at the CCTV monitors from time to time… That’s when I remembered Pharm’s comment about the monitors. 

These things are so old, that I wasn’t even surprised when he said that they were starting to have issues. To be honest, I’ve been waiting a long time for them to give up. But when I inspected them, there was nothing wrong with the wires, or with the power source. Maybe Pharm was just tired and started to see things.

And then I saw the streak, too. It was like a quick flash of light that darted across the second-floor corridor, dashing from one room to another. Crouching down directly in front of the monitors gave me a better vantage point as I watched the white streak flash to and fro. When it exhausted all the rooms on the second floor, it moved on to the third. 

“What the hell…?” I mutter to myself. My heart was beating faster than I wanted to admit. I’m not so easily scared, but the one thing that’s sure to get me is always the threat of an unknown. I remind myself that confronting whatever this was is part of my job, and muster all my courage to head up there and see for myself what was going on.

The police have always been on my speed dial, and I made sure that they still were, just in case. With a flashlight in one hand and my phone in the other, I headed to the elevators and made my way to the third floor. 

You know that feeling you get when you instinctively know that you aren’t alone, even if you can’t see anything? I got that feeling immediately as I stepped off the elevators. Quickly, I shone my flashlight through the corridor. If that streak of light was there, I would be sure to catch it even if it meant that I couldn’t blink for the next couple of minutes. 

As if it heard my thoughts, there it was… A flash of light moving across the corridor I was standing in. I clutched my flashlight harder as my hand started to shake, and I saw it again - this time, I could hear it, too. It was unmistakable. Footsteps.

“Stop!” I shout out. “Whoever you are, I can see you! Just come out with your hands in the air. I won’t hurt you!”

The tension in the air was so thick that it bore down on my chest like a force that made it hard to breathe. But I was breathing… My breath was the only sound I could hear. 

“Hello? The police are on their way,” I say, hoping that the lie wouldn’t be so obvious with my shaky voice. “You should come out and not make things worse.”

Still nothing. 

“There’s nothing here, man. Even the computers in this place are so old. I can tell you right now, robbing this place isn’t worth it. Come on, man. I just want to keep my job, ok? Tell me what you’re looking for and I can maybe help you.”

The previously racing footsteps I heard from the intruder were now replaced with slower ones, and once the person came into the light, I didn’t know what to do with myself. His presence was overwhelming. My heart fell to my stomach and I had the air knocked out of me all at the same time. The flashlight slipped out of my hand and hit the floor with a loud clang, leaving us both in the pitch black of the night. 

The only thing I could see clearly in this cloak of darkness were his eyes, and it caught me completely off-guard. They were exactly like mine. 

“What I’m looking for?” he echoes, in a strangely cold and familiar voice. “You.”


	2. Ordinary

We stood across from each other for what seemed like an eternity, and I was filled with this uneasy feeling of familiarity. I could hardly make out his features but I was sure that I knew him from somewhere. It was like he was part of a hazy dream that I couldn’t quite remember. 

“Me?” I ask. “What would you want with me?”

“I've been looking for you,” he says, the sureness in his voice sending a chill down my spine. “Teerayu.”

No one had called me by that name in such a long time. Alarm bells were going off in my head. Anyone who knew me by that name shouldn't even be around anymore. He breaks the safety of the distance between us and starts to slowly move towards me, and I do my best not to panic. 

“S-Stay where you are! Don’t move! I said, don’t move!! STOP!!”

No matter how loud I cried out, the mysterious man didn’t seem to care. He continued to walk towards me, each step with a bit more purpose than the last. I took several steps backward to send the message that I wanted to keep my distance but he didn’t seem to catch on. I couldn’t stand it for much longer. There was no way I was going to stand in place and find out what he had in store for me. 

I turn around and take off running, as fast as I can. Terrified screams got stuck in my throat and couldn’t make their way out of my mouth. All I could hear was the beating of my own heart as it pounded violently in my ears. I ran down flights of stairs so quickly, burst through heavy doors until I found myself out on the streets in the dead of night.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement, all I could think of was getting help. When I started sprinting in the direction of the nearest police station, that’s when I realized that I no longer had my phone with me. I look back, in hopes that it had just slipped out of my hand and that I could still retrieve it somehow. But all I saw was the shadowy figure coming onto the street, just a few steps behind me. 

“Shit,” I whisper, as I summon the strength I had left to run as fast as I could. 

He was gaining on me, and I was running out of stamina. There was no way I was going to get to safety before he caught me. In a split-second, I decide to turn the corner and go for the only escape route that I could think of.

Every fiber of my being was pleading with me not to go through with it, but the mysterious man on my heels left me with no choice. I stop in the middle of the deserted bridge and look down at the dark waters. The odd hour would make it impossible to see anything, and even from up here I could hear the strength of the river’s current below. 

“No!” He shouts, his voice booming through the dark night. “Don’t!”

The railings felt ice-cold to the touch. I shivered as I imagined just how cold the waters underneath would be. The thought of it almost made me chicken out but he was still gaining on me. There was no time for self-doubt when, potentially, your very existence was being threatened. 

With a big push, I hoist myself over the steel barrier, my hands the only things keeping me safe, wrists hooked over the railing. I look to my right and see the figure struggle to increase his speed to get to me before I had the chance to execute my plan. I wasn’t going to let him do that. 

I take a deep breath, lean forward, and let go. 

Hitting the water at this speed stings. But over the years I’ve learned that form is the most important thing in saving yourself from unnecessary pain. You have to make sure that you enter the water properly: Feet first, point your toes, arms crossed in front of your chest, exhale from your nose as hard as you can as you break through the surface--as I did a million times before.

Being in the water like this was always my last option. I really don’t want to add to any of my existing traumas, but desperate times, you know? I would rather give myself an anxiety attack being underwater than wait to find out if that guy had ill-intentions towards me. I got the feeling that the figure, whoever he was, would be watching from above, trying to see if I came up to the surface. So I made sure that I stayed underwater way longer than I usually would. 

I swam down as deep as I could and found one of the beams which the bridge was built on. Quickly, I looked for the side that would shield me from the current and leaned against it, allowing myself to relax. There was no way he would follow me down here. 

I did my best to clear my mind as the coldness of the water started to penetrate my skin. My instinct, as it always was, was to call out for my parents. I wanted to swim back to the shore and call out for help, for anyone to get me out of here. But that was obviously out of the question at this moment. Over the years, I’ve picked up tips to manage my emotions. No, manage is such a passive word. I control my emotions now; they don’t control me. 

“You’re safe,” I thought to myself. “You’re safe. You can’t drown. You won’t drown anymore, Team. You’re safe.”

Finally, my mind quiets down and allows me to have a moment of peace. My legs give out from all the excitement and I sit down on the concrete base of the beam, with my legs dangling down its side. Apart from the occasional pieces of garbage that floated by, my underwater hiding place turned out to be an oasis of sorts. Minus all the distractions of the world above, I was able to gain a clear mind and hatched a new plan for when I got out of the water. As I finalized everything I needed to do and finished going through them in my head for the third time, I was sure that enough time had passed by. I suddenly remember that there was a watch on my wrist, and I said a silent prayer that it was indeed waterproof, like it claimed to be when I bought it. Luckily, it was still working fine. It’s been a little more than an hour since I checked on the CCTV monitors. That should be more than enough to shake him off. 

It takes me about ten more minutes to swim to the surface. I didn't realize that my adrenaline had made me go this deep. As expected, it was still pitch black outside but the moonlight cast a soft light on the trees by the river banks. It was a definite struggle to swim against the current. My arms felt like jelly, and right then I made a promise to myself to start working out after this. I couldn’t afford to be lazy and have a horrible diet when mysterious guys are starting to chase me down. 

Of course, when I got out of the water, a couple of stray cats were waiting for me on the shore. They weren’t hissing this time, but if their stares could kill, I’d be long gone.

“Guys, I’m really not in the mood right now. Could you just leave me alone for once?”

I don’t think they understood me, but maybe they did because they walked away slowly and let me get out of the water in peace. My clothes hung on me like they were a ton of bricks. I try to wring the water out of them as best as I can, abandoning some parts of my uniform in an effort to help myself. An early morning breeze hit me, and my teeth started to chatter uncontrollably with the cold air. I needed to get out of here. 

Walking around town, soaking wet is an experience. At first, I left a trail of water behind me as I went, but after walking for three miles it wasn't that bad. I got drier, my clothes got lighter, and the rising of the sun made it a touch bit warmer. 

I thought about not going back to any of the places I frequented, just in case, but I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving behind my few treasured possessions. I was just going to grab them quickly and be on my way. It hurt my heart to leave Pharm, P’Dean, and P’Pruk behind. I might not have let them get close to me, but I had to admit that I had grown fond of them. For as long as I’ve been roaming this world, I don’t think I’ve found better men than them. Just being around them made me feel like a better person. But I couldn’t let sentimentality get to me - not again. It was just way too risky. 

I finally reached my small apartment, already grieving the loss of this life. 

“It's alright, Team. You can build one again,” I tell myself. “You can find a quiet life again.”

I switched on the light to find that the very person I ran away from was now sitting comfortably on my living room sofa. 

“Why did you go? I just wanted to talk,” he says, an eyebrow up in the air and his lips hooking up to a smirk as if to mock me. 

I see his face clearly for the very first time. I was right; I’ve seen him before. How could I ever forget? He looked exactly the same as he did all those years ago: the golden hair that he wore loosely tied on the top of his head, the many piercings that virtually went down the entirety of his ear, that sharp jawline, the lanky frame, those smirks, and chuckles.

“You look much better when you let your eyes shine. I don’t care much for those contact lenses. They make you look so… Ordinary.”

An avalanche of anger falls down on me as I recognize exactly who it is.


	3. Reunited

Those first few years were sheer torture. I did everything I could to erase him from my consciousness. I thought I was able to move on from all the pain and devastation he caused me in the past, but hearing his voice awakened something deep inside. In the end, it turned out that not even the passing of a lifetime was enough to make me forget. 

The silence between us was so loud. My mind was filled with a million questions and even more emotions. He looked at me with amusement on his face, as if he had cornered the prey he had been following for so long.

“Quaint,” he smirks, as he looks around the apartment. “Not much furniture... Simple. It’s cute. I didn’t think that you could keep such a low profile.” 

“Fuck you.”

“Is that really the way you’re going to greet an old friend? After everything I’ve been through to see you again,” he says, standing up and moving closer to me. 

This time, I didn’t have it in me to move. I balled my fist so tight that my nails pierced through my skin. I could feel blood trickling down the palm of my hand, but it was nothing compared to the open wound that stirred in my heart. I was frozen in place, shocked by the sight of the one person I had cursed in my head over and over for so many years. 

“There’s nothing for you here. Just go, Phawin.”

“You do remember me,” he says, that disturbing smirk seemingly plastered on his face. “It’s nice to see you again, Teerayu.”

“You have no right to call me by that name,” I respond, through clenched teeth. “Teerayu is dead. You killed him.”

His previously cocky demeanor softened a bit, and he averted his gaze for the first time since I walked through the door. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that he got hurt by what I just said. But I did know him. I knew him enough to know that he didn’t care about anyone. He certainly never cared about me. 

“Fair enough. I don’t go by Phawin anymore either; just Win. Nicknames are better, don’t you think?”

“Cut the bullshit,” I say, defiantly. “What do you want?”

“All these years, and I still annoy you...”

He smiles at me with that charm that used to disarm me so easily. Now, it only made my stomach turn even more. 

“I said, cut the bullshit. What do you want?”

Phawin comes closer, so close that I was able to breathe in his scent, that still familiar scent. 

“I’ve lost count of the years,” he says, taking a damp chunk of hair on my face and tucking it behind my ear. “It’s been so long… I’m so happy to see you again.”

I flinch. It wasn’t his touch that disturbed me; it was the way my heart leaped when he did. He’s made me feel this way with him so many times before, that I’ve been able to give it a name: Longing. Even after so many years, nothing has changed. 

“Here,” he says, handing me my phone back. “You dropped this. I know how important this junk is nowadays.”

I snatch it from his hand, snapping back to reality, steely determination in my eyes. “I asked you a question. What do you want, Phawin?” 

“Why did you run?”

I chuckle, thinking of the many times that people have betrayed me or sold me out. My instinct now is to run; it’s my second nature. This is the first time in such a long time that I’ve had a semblance of a normal life, and it’s only because of the “simple” surroundings I’ve kept myself in. This life I’ve built despite everything, this life that I’ve learned to be content with, he so openly mocks. What an asshole. 

“You really have the balls to ask that? Why do you think?”

“You didn’t have to jump into the river just to get away from me, though. I know how the water makes you feel.” 

“I’d rather spend five hundred lifetimes underwater if it meant I’d never had to see you again.”

This time it was clear: My words pierced through him. The only thing that gave it away more than him slightly recoiling away from me, was the look in his eyes. It was the first time I’d ever seen the great Phawin Wanichakarnjonkul seem vulnerable. Well, maybe the second time.

“I thought that maybe a hundred years would be enough for you to forgive me,” he says softly, in almost a whisper.

“No,” I say, coldly, walking to the front door and opening it for him. “I asked you not to bother me but maybe you forgot, so I’ll ask you one more time. I don’t need you here. Please leave and don’t come back.”

“I never forgot. I wouldn’t break my promise for nothing,” he replies. “Do you really think that I would even dare to show my face to you if I didn’t have all the answers you were looking for? I spent a lifetime searching for it all. I always intended to let you know.”

I’ve always been a reasonable person despite the many emotions rumbling inside of me, and what he’s saying made sense. There was no reason to come look for me after all these years if he didn’t have anything important to say. If I allowed myself to recall the Phawin I knew in the past, he was never the type to lie to anyone or break his promises, especially to me. 

“Just hear me out… You can hate me, curse me as much as you want, kick me out of your life and forget about me all over again, but please listen. All I’m asking for is a few minutes. Just please listen...”

The soft spot for him in my heart has awakened. I couldn’t shake the way he looked at me. Maybe it was because it’s been so long since I saw my own eyes reflected back to me. There was such a sense of comfort when I looked into his like I wasn’t alone. It’s almost too much to ask to make sense of everything so suddenly, but I was willing to give it a shot.

“Wait there,” I say, pointing to my couch and closing the door. “I’m going to take a shower and get out of these clothes. Don’t touch anything.”

Phawin raises his hands in the air in faux surrender, moving aside to let me through. I see him try to hide a smile of victory, and an immediate tinge of annoyance courses through my veins. 

“Ten minutes, that’s all I’m giving you,” I say, disappearing into the next room. 

I just hope against all hope that I’m not making a huge mistake.

******

_“Wait! Nong!”_

_Hia calls out to me in the usual way that he does, but I don’t slow down. It’s not my fault that he’s a slow walker._

_We’re the only young guys to be seen on the main road at this time of day. Our town doesn’t have its own school, church, or even its own market so working as early as you can is a common occurrence. The recession made it tough to travel just to study, so we learned to work as soon as we could walk. Most kids our age were all busy with their family’s farms or shops, but Hia and I were the exceptions._

_“Nong, wait for me,” he says, finally catching up and falling in step. He’s a bit out of breath but he doesn’t wait long to bring up exactly what he wanted to know. “Did you finish what Kruu Kae wanted for us to read?”_

_(*Kruu is Thai for Teacher)_

_“No,” I answer. “I don’t like reading, Hia. It’s too hard, and the books that she gave us to read are so boring...”_

_“But you still have to read it, Nong. So many people want to study with Kruu Kae, so we can’t be lazy and waste this chance. Don’t you know that by now?”  
  
_

_“Hiaaaa,” I whine. “It’s too early in the morning for a scolding. Yes, I know, okay?”_

_“Alright. What is it?” He says, stopping in the middle of the road. Leave it up to him to know when there’s something bothering me._

_“Nothing! I’m just hungry. I didn’t have enough for breakfast because I was in a hurry.”_

_Phawin rolls his eyes at me. “You’re always hungry, that’s not an issue. That’s not what I meant. This is the third day in a row that you’ve missed reading the assignment. What’s wrong?”_

_Kicking the dirt up with my worn-out sandals seemed like the only reasonable thing to do. There was no way I was going to answer him now that he’s noticed that I was hiding something. I scold myself of not doing a better job of fooling him, but then again this was Hia. There was really nothing I could hide from him._

_“It’s my eyes,” I say, staring down at my feet. “I don’t know what happened, but every time I try to read… I don’t know. It’s hard… Everything is blurry, and… I don’t know.”_

_“What do you mean?” He says, doing his best to catch my gaze. “Let me see.”_

_I shake my head and refuse to look at him. “Stop it. Let’s go, we’re going to be late.”_

_“Not until you show me!” He insists, cupping my cheeks in his hands and staring into my eyes._

_“Hiaaaa… I don’t want to be told to gather berries again for being late. They stain my fingers.”_

_“Teerayu! There **is** something… Your left eye looks cloudy! Does it hurt?”_

_He was right. I’ve seen it in the mirror and the dark brown color of my eyes was being covered by a thin film that resembled the color of milk. The truth was, I’ve been afraid for a while but thought that it could possibly just disappear if I ignored it._

_“Not really,” I reply softly, regretting that I said anything in the first place. “I just haven’t been able to see as well, that’s all.”_

_“Let’s go see the doctor.”_

_“No, Hia! Just leave me alone,” I say, pushing past him and starting to walk again towards Kruu Kae’s house._

_“You’ve already gone, haven’t you?” He calls out._

_It was my turn to stop in my tracks. I nod my head sheepishly, not looking forward to what I was going to say next. I didn’t have much confidence that Hia would be able to accept this when it was already hard for me._

_“It’s called a cataract. I need to have an operation in the city, but it’s too far. Ma and Pa can’t afford it… It’s way too expensive.”_

_I observe his reaction for a while, but all I could make out was a steely gaze._

_“What if you don’t get the operation?”_

_“The doctor says I might go blind,” I say, with a trembling voice. Hearing the words out loud scared me more than I ever imagined but there was no sense in dwelling on something I couldn’t do anything about. “Let’s go, Hia. I really don’t want to be late.”_

_“No. How long have you known?”_

_“Just a couple of days. It’s really not a big deal! I’m still fine! Come on, we should go.”_

_He stood there, his jaw so clenched that his cheeks protruded a little bit. There was a mixture of denial and anger in his eyes, but I couldn’t be sure. All I knew was that I’ve never seen him be like this, ever._   
  


_“I’m not going to watch you go blind. I can’t let you go through that.”_

_I sigh, feeling foolish that I didn’t anticipate Hia’s reaction. Of course, he was going to say that. Hia was the only other person besides my Pa that was this protective over me._

_“I’m not that worried about it. It’s going to be fine! That doctor isn’t right all the time. Remember when he said that Aunty Paat had a tumor, but it turned out that she was just pregnant? Come on… Let’s just go, okay?”_

_It was like talking to thin air because he wordlessly turns around and walks in the opposite direction._

_“Hia!!”_

_“Go to lessons without me today,” he shouts, not even turning to look at me. “Tell Kruu Kae that I’m sick.”_

_“Why? Where are you going? Hia!”_

_Again, he didn’t pay attention to me at all. He had his mind made up about something, and I had no idea what. But knowing him, I’d find out soon enough._


	4. Always Will

_ For as long as I could remember, Hia had always been beside me. His family lived a few houses down from mine and for some reason, he had taken a liking to taking care of me even though he already had siblings and cousins of his own to look after. I was always grateful to have someone other than my parents to rely on, but there was one thing in particular that drew me closer to him.  _

_ Hia saved me that day. God knows I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t rescue me from the riptide. After the incident, I became so afraid of the water but he didn’t allow my phobia to be my kryptonite. He forced me to learn how to swim, telling me that it was the only way to make sure that it would never happen again. Every day for two months, he would take me to the beach and force me to get comfortable in the water. He taught my arms and legs to be strong enough to swim against currents. He taught my lungs to keep me alive even when I was underwater for a long time. Hia became my best friend, and more.  _

_ The day he told me he loved me more than a brother, I was so scared. Not because I didn’t feel the same way, but because I knew that a love like ours would never find a place here. He promised to keep me safe and protect me like he always had, and I believed him with my whole heart. There’s no one I trust more, no one I could ever love as much as I loved him. But in my heart of hearts I always wished that we could transcend space and time so that we could be together freely. Being found out was a matter of life and death and Hia did all he could to protect us.  _

_ That’s why it took me a while to tell him about my eyesight. I knew that he would never accept something as bad as this to happen to me. The thing is, there’s nothing much to do about me losing my vision. I didn’t want him to get frustrated because of me. I had already put him through enough. _

_ When he came back that day and told me he found a solution to my cataracts, I wasn’t that surprised.  _

_ “What is it?” I ask, recoiling at the scent of the clear liquid in the vial he handed to me. It smelled like the ocean but ten times more potent, as if all the salt in the world was used up in making it. _

_ “I got it from the witch doctor from the next village. She said it can cure any kind of illness. It won’t hurt to try, right?” _

_ “I don’t know…” _

_ I’m always willing to try something once, but not when it came to something so unnerving. It wasn’t just the smell of the potion, but the feeling it gave me. Nothing had filled me with this much dread before.  _

_ “You don’t have to drink much,” Hia says, reassuringly, his bright eyes making me feel guilty about my misgivings. “A couple of drops is enough.” _

_ “Hia, thank you for going through all that trouble… I appreciate it, really,” I say, as calmly and softly as I possibly could. “But I don’t feel right about taking it.” _

_ I wished so hard that I could return his enthusiasm. The town he went to was miles away, and I’m sure that he went through hell to get there and back. I almost felt bad that he was pinning his hopes on this nasty concoction, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he had been duped.  _

_ “Please, just try it,” he begs. “If it doesn’t work, then we’re back to where we started, that’s all. What’s the worst that could happen?” _

_ Everything in my body was screaming at me not to go through with it, but I knew that the look in Hia’s eyes would haunt my dreams if I didn’t give in. He was so desperate to help me. I had to do this for him. Before I lift up the vial to my lips, I look to him one more time for comfort. _

_ “Everything will be okay,” he says, taking my hand in his. “I love you, Teerapat. _ “

******

“What happened to your hand?”

I look down at my freshly bandaged palm, and do my best to think on my feet. I wasn’t about to let him know that his presence affected me so much that I hurt myself with my own fingernails. 

“Scratched it from the railings on the bridge. It’ll heal in a couple of minutes, you know that,” I answer, in the most emotionless voice I could muster. “So what is it? The clock’s ticking.”

“I just want to know how you are. You’re not really going to hold me to that ten minute deadline, are you?”

“Nine minutes left,” I say, lifting up my wristwatch closer to my face. 

“Right, well,” Phawin says, clearing his throat nervously. “Do you still remember that day, when we drank from that vial?”

“You mean the water that you tricked me into drinking? Yes. I remember. I remember the unbearable pain that coursed through me, the way my body changed, the way I scared away everyone I ever loved, how ever since then I’ve lived this cursed life... Sure, I remember.”

A nervous sigh escapes Phawin’s lips. At least I let him know where I stood. He may have come here to appease my anger, but I had no intentions of going easy on him at all… Not after everything I’ve lost because of him. 

“I guess I deserve that,” he says, his head drooping low. “But don’t forget that I experienced all that, too.”

“I had nothing to do with that; you did that on your own,” I snapped back. 

“I never said that you had any part in it. After all these years, can’t you see how sorry I am? Will you ever forgive me?”

“I don’t want to argue,” I say, biting the side of my cheek just to hold my temper. “Just say what you came to say.”

“Come with me,” he says. 

“Why would I do that? I would rather--”

“I know,” he interrupts. “You would rather do anything, be anywhere, be with anyone else than be with me. I get it, but I think it would be in your best interest to come with me. I finally know where the water came from.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I’m the only one you have left.”

I wasn’t prepared for how much those words stung me, because it was true. Everyone from that life we once had was now gone. He was my only connection to that life, and to the person that I used to be. 

I stare into his starry eyes, and he stares into mine. I had forgotten how it felt to have someone look at me and not flinch at a certain point. He really was the only one who could take me exactly as I was, and it angered me to discover that things between us haven’t changed. 

“Haven’t you missed me at all?” He asks, sliding closer to me. “Every day we spent apart has destroyed me.”

“For someone who said he wanted to talk, you don’t say much,” I say, pushing him away with all my might. “Just tell me what it is and what to do. I’m sure I can do everything else on my own.”

“I won’t let you,” he says. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I’m not that little boy you used to dote after,” I replied, the anger rising up in my throat. How could he waltz in here after all these years and act like nothing happened? “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve lived a century without you!”

“How’s that going for you?” He asks, mockingly. “You can act tough all you want, Teerapat, but I can see the loneliness in your eyes.”

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

“We actually have a chance to make things right,” he pleads. “Aren’t you tired of living this way? Please come with me.”

“If you’re not going to tell me what you know, I can find that out for myself. I don’t need you,” I say, standing up to open the door. 

As I start to walk away, I feel his hand grasping mine, pulling me closer to him. Before I even realized it, I was in his arms. He held me so close to him that I could feel his heart beating against my own chest. I struggled as best as I could, but he locked me in such a tight embrace. 

I hated the way he whispered affirmations into my ear, of everything I’ve always wanted to hear him say. I hated the way my body automatically melted into his. I hated that being in his arms comforted me in the way only he could. I hated that after all these years of believing I did, maybe I didn’t really hate him. 

“Let me go,” I say, tears falling down my cheeks. “I told you to leave me alone, I told you not to find me. Couldn’t you have kept your promise? Let me go!”

“I tried,” he whispers. “I really tried, but I couldn’t stay away forever.”

It could have been that all my energy was spent from everything I did that day, or that what he said finally broke through my cold heart. But for some reason I stopped fighting. I let him hold me, and I sobbed a hundred years of hurt into his chest. I could feel wetness on the back of my neck, and it told me that he was crying with me, too. 

He lifts my face up and does his best to wipe the tears from my eyes. For a second, I did become that boy he once doted over. Looking into his eyes brought me back to that time of innocence and happiness. 

“I still love you, Teerayu,” he says, placing soft kisses on the trail of tears on my cheeks. “I always have and always will...”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue whether a chaptered fic counts as an entry to WinTeamWeek, but here I am. I tried my best to finish everything in one go, but to write a completed, chaptered fic in a week (which is when I decided to participate) is a tall order for anyone. I'll be uploading the first couple of chapters tonight and upload the rest when I can. Thank you so much, and your feedback is more than welcome. Please be kind to the fanfiction noob that is me. Haha.
> 
> Will be crossposting to Wattpad as well.


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